I try to be sensitive, appreciative and considerate of others and their cultures but at times I find that where I come from is so very different from where I live my life. The Nepali New Year is upon us and all night into the morning there was loud music playing and chanting and I'm told that this will go on for 30 days. (I didn't hear anything last night although I was told that it started up again, however I must have been sleeping). I didn't sleep much and I'm sure that the Hospital patients didn't sleep much either as well as the many villagers who live within hearing range.
One can look at this situation and think, this is just the way that it is, but it seems to me like a great deal of insensitivity towards others. Why does the music, praying need to be so loud? If people want to dance and pray why don't they do it at their own homes? If this does need to be in a public place why do speakers need to be used? I literally was asking the load shedding gods to please ensure no power, but this only occurred for short periods of time, not enough to let me and others sleep.
I understand that many people are brought up not learning to express basic appreciation, instead there is a great deal of criticism. Growing up in the US and being a supervisor throughout my career I know that I'm opinionated, but I would just as readily hand out praise as constructive criticism. I've tried to focus on appreciation with the children that live in this area. I can tell by their constantly showing me even the most basic things that they just want to be appreciated for who they are. In schools it's always those at the top that garner appreciation, but in fact it's those that don't have many opportunities that need this. I also do my best to say, "thank you" to those I work with at the Hospital as they need this appreciation as well.
Basic communication is another area that I find to be so very different. I tend to be direct, letting others know how I feel so that there are no communication issues later. Sometimes this works, but sometimes not as people tend to forget what was said and/or don't understand my intention or me understand theirs. But I do understand that there is more "beating around the bush" in other parts of the world" and that there are so many methods for communicating. A recent example points this out.
I was told through e-mail to talk to an employee about leaving the organization. When I talked to the employee I said so and so called you last night and talked to you right? The employee said, "Yes". I then said ok when will you leave? to which the employee seemed very surprised. I found out a bit more about what so and so said but apparently there was no directive about the employee leaving, which was left to me.
Given the avoidance of difficult information factor, conducting performance reviews is a challenge. Today I conducted a review and unfortunately the person is not up to the mark. It was very difficult to talk to the employee as they shut me off. People's perspective of themselves, depending upon ego satisfaction can be quite large. If this is the case it is difficult to provide constructive, or for that matter, any type of criticism. This might go back to a person's childhood and how their parents treated success and failure. "You never make mistakes and it's always the other person's fault." From what I've observed accountability is quite a foreign term throughout the world.
Ultimately for me this comes down to one's values, how one wants to live life and what we expect from others. I know that I have high ethical standards for myself, that I want to serve others, no matter what this might be doing.
I also know that I can go overboard with this, wondering why I should take a vacation when my time on the planet is limited and there is so much to do. On the one hand this is somewhat rubbish, on the other this is my reality. Does it matter if we see every, or at least some, places on earth? Yes this does make a difference in creating memories for one's children or partner, parents, friends should one choose to explore and if one has these types of relationships. On the other hand can we do vacations reasonably? How can we help those in refugee camps to get out, which for them would be a vacation or those kidnapped by idiotic self-righteous, fundamentalist groups to let go of their captives? How about all of those affected by wars in Syria, Yemen, slaves in countries throughout the world, what about them? But I digress.
My values are so very important to me and I'm often tested, as we all are. "Let things slide", do something for me because "I support you". It's not about what is the "right" thing, although this is subjective, it's about allegiance to someone because they are nice to you in the moment. As I contrast the world in which I grew up with my reality, issues of value come up every single day. It's vital to be flexible and I've become more so but there are certain things which I know can be changed if we want them to. One can "go with the flow" to a certain extent, but then there is the having to live with one's self.
I try and try not to expect much from others because this only leads to great disappointment. But expectations, like values, hit me every single day. I don't understand if I've said something over and over at least 20 times why someone won't get it. I don't understand why I would like even a little, "thank you" once in awhile from others.
Ultimately, I need to find everything within myself, tune things out, live the life that I want to live, not that of others. Last night on a Skype call my 82 year old mother said to me, "don't you want to live in a nice place and meet some women?" Well yes wouldn't that be nice and yes I feel some pangs of guilt because I'm not doing this. It's difficult to live a different kind of life, a road that seems to be far away from home and yes i feel guilt for not paying enough, "being in the same place as my family or friends" attention.
I've learned, through my experiences, to be a different kind of person, one that I never could have ever imagined, living my life in the US. At this point I really don't want to stop, in fact, I never want to stop, no matter how old I become. Maybe I should take a vacation to regenerative my body, but I know that I become more committed to doing the right thing the longer I live.
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