For suffering addicts and new members :

Hi my name is Sujan Gurung and I'm a recovering addict, clean and serene for the past  4 years. Today, I will try and share my story regarding my addiction. I hope it will help to other addict to be recover from drugs.

My addictive personality lead me to use from  tthe age 13. It was different tablets, then grass and later opiates and smack and morphine. In between were phases of Brown Sugar, Dexedrine including injecting, mushrooms and downers. I got into lot of trouble with the law too, and went to jail multiple times. My family members always bailed me out. Moreover every possible drug of abuse was available in  Pokhara (my home town in Nepal) at that time. Playing music and influence from hippies, heavy metal music,yogis and senior brothers of home town had us lot enjoy life. It was  a one big, happening party.

Then came the  stark reality and as addiction and withdrawal distorted rational thought, I found myself in the midst of strange, unwelcome experiences. Having had a history of disturbed sleep, coming from a disturbed family and with sibling abuse issues, the drugs had worked to keep me at ease  but only long enough to have me addicted and then the ugly side became apparent. I headed for the hospital for addicts for the first time. Before I started using regularly, I had been in the mental institute for sleep disorder and earlier on had been counselled for bad behavior and restlessness. The drugs gave me release. Now as I lay on the hospital bed, I dreaded what was coming next.

The chief psychiatrist came the next morning, looked very severely at me and said "Sujan, you gave us a terrible scare. Your blood pressure dropped to very critical levels. This is the first time in my long career that I've encountered this situation".

See, I was again the bad boy, the unmanageable teen and the center of attention for all the wrong reasons and I hated it. I closed my mind. I got counselled, I tried to run away and finally got discharged much against the doctors and my family's wishes. Fact is, I did not think I had any problem at all, so why all this fuss, attention and money being spent ?

I passed time for a few days at home, thinking what I could do with my life. In the hospital they had recommended that I complete my studies. But that was'nt attractive. I got bored thinking and went back to an old hangout, met a buddy and in no time was smoking a joint again.

This became a pattern for the next decade or so of my life; hospitalization, agonizing withdrawals, staying clean for a while and relapses that carried me deeper into drug use and trouble with my family, friends law and society. I also tried geographical and ashrams but with no real results.

And one night, Im listening to jazz on the radio and fondly chasing smack, already nice and numb on downers.  Fully possessed by the spirit of intoxication I go into a  deep trance. Afterwards I find myself  in midst of a very supernatural and frightening experience. I'm actually seeing my soul leaving my body and settle in one corner on the room. As I'm looking on, a voice says very clearly "You are going to die very shortly". It may have been the spirit of my addiction partner who had died (due to bike accident) or it may have been God, I can't say. But I got the message and was screaming "noooooooo I dont want to die".

That, I believe, was the first of my awakenings in recovery.

And then it happens few weeks later, that I'm sitting chasing smack with some guys and I suddenly start praying to my Personal Deity, a thing I had not done for very long. Then I got lucky. I got the number of a organization who provide services for drug treatment, that too from a using friend. He had stayed clean for 10 months and had relapsed but that held some hope for me. And again and again I had relapsed  3 times  after which  I cleaned up in this Post Rehab Center (PRC), i never have had to use again, for nearly 4 years now. In the process of drug  treatment,  on one very disturbing and insane night, I had my second awakening. I was lying down in the isolation room, no lights, in solitary confinement and very scared and in very painful withdrawal. I was very unmanageable. My soul cried out for a Higher Power to help. Then I start to breathe easy, and went into a trance and have an experience of the Great Light of the Universe !

We need to have Spiritual experiences, else an addict like me cannot sustain recovery. After the Experience at the Post Rehab Center (PRC), I've had Experiences that are more informational/ educational in nature. That's the Power of the 12 Steps recovering programs.

Not to say I've not had problems and failures, trials and tribulations but this Program has shown me success in family, career and society, solutions to the darkest problems and the Great Joy of Living. Really, I can feel that the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel. Abstinence in close association and identification with others in recovering groups is the best ground for growth.

Today I have become one of the members of  Recovery Source for nearly 4 years now. I'm truly a Miracle in Progress. I'm also reminded that the newcomer members on recovery programs are very important person. Indeed, we can keep what we have only by giving it away. My gratitude speaks when I care and share the NA ways.

And having said all of that about myself, I truly believe that any addict can stop using, lose the desire to use and find a new way to live, in the Reovering Program ! God Bless you all and keep coming back , no matter what happens in life or however you're feeling.

Remember to say to yourself "

I promise  my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life without the use of drugs and I will always help to the addict who still suffers" (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))