In the US, Thanksgiving on the last Thursday of November is all about family. My daughter flew to her mom's home in Connecticut, my son is with his brothers and sisters at his ashram, my sister and her husband are with my parents and one uncle and aunt, their daughter, her husband and two children flew to Seattle to be with my uncle and aunt's two sons and their families. This Thanksgiving as usual coincided with my parent's (61st) wedding anniversary and my cousins (50th) birthday. I guess I miss not being in the US for the holidays but I haven't been there since 2009 to celebrate and I'm therefore kind of used to not being there. But this piece is not about me, but about family.
My uncle and aunt and their entire family are somewhat of a family role model for me. I love my family but I also appreciate the fact that my aunt and uncle and their family are close relatives by choice more than by blood. It's not that they don't have the usual problems as everyone else but somehow, it appears that they've found a way to really enjoy one another and celebrate special occasions quite frequently. It helps that they have been financially successful, but many families in their position are dysfunctional to the point of not talking to one another, holding grudges and taking the Thanks out of Thanksgiving, i.e. there is little reason and even less understanding to be grateful for what they have.
However, this is not about money, this is about a real love and caring for one another, a sincere appreciation for each other. I doubt that there is ever a moment that goes by where they are not caring about each other. I often think back to observing, not very often because we lived on separate coasts, how my aunt (and uncle) treated my cousins, even at a young age, explaining to them what was happening, not in a condescending manner but always talking to them as adults. (I remember this episode at a museum in New York and even commenting to my aunt about how she spoke to my cousins). I'm not sure why but this made such a great impression upon me and I think I've tried to follow this with my own children although they would be best to judge how I was as a parent.
I certainly have seen this type of parenting in how my three cousins have raised their children. Whenever I visit Seattle I've noticed how my cousins and their spouses speak to their children. I also saw this with my cousin in New York and this inspired me to speak differently to children; something which I do whenever I'm with youngsters no matter where that might be in the world. I don't often know what parents say to their children where I'm living but the conversations don't seem to be on a personal, connecting level; it's more of a, "you do this or that". This is only conjecture but I do know how children, including teens, respond to me when I talk to them.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I can't imagine my grandfather having spoken, when they were children, to my dad and my uncles as if he was talking to an adult, not sure about my aunt's mother, but somehow this particular raising of children was discovered and has carried forward to my cousins, their spouses (maybe they were raised like this) and their children.
To me this is all about how one lives and celebrates life, no matter what types of roadblocks we encounter. Life is never easy, as mental illness has seemed to take a great hold of human beings. (I just saw the movie Noah and although Noah and his family were supposed to go out and multiply, there weren't that many human beings to do this). We just can't seem to escape our petty nature, need for fame and power at the expense of others.
But I look at and engage with my uncle and aunt, cousins and feel like there is good in humanity, that people can and do appreciate one another. Obviously this goes beyond this family that spells their last name a bit differently than mine, but never-the-less they've all made a great impression upon my life and I have a deep love and affection for them all.
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