I meet a lot of people, partly it’s my nature, a somewhat extroverted personality; part of it is my curiosity about others, wanting to learn more about their stories, which I always find very interesting. At times, in the back of my mind, is the hope of meeting a partner.
Sometimes this desire burns more deeply than at other times, a feeling which electrifies my body. But I also know that relationships aren’t easy. I have to be willing to compromise, to partner; to attend to another and their specific needs; have the ability to understand and put myself in another person’s skin. I have to be present and have a somewhat similar mindset when it comes to such decisions as where to live, whether to have children, etc. which isn’t simple given my predilection for living overseas.
I tend to be attracted to others fairly easily, based on how we interact and look at one another, leading to an interest in wanting to get to know another better. No matter where I live I’ve found this to become much easier through Skype, Facebook and other social media communications possibilities where I can remain somewhat anonymous, but also enabling really delving into more personal matters in a very short period of time. Long distance discussions do help out, but I find that this can also make the “longing” for another much more intense, especially given that the relationship may only occur in my head.
Although I’ve dated a bit during the past 15 years since my divorce I intuitively know that this initial attraction needs to be on a much deeper level; I want to understand another person’s life and how they react or how they’ve reacted on an emotional level to life’s offerings. The reality though is that I often don’t find out enough before the proverbial “jumping into bed”. But what is enough, how much baggage do I need to uncover before I “jump” into a relationship?
Living overseas has caused my attraction index to expand. This has been very positive for me, i.e. being exposed to other cultures has helped me to the realization that we are much more similar than not and has helped me to more clearly see others. Although I have “young” looks and many of the women that I meet are much younger than me, this causes me to wonder if someone is worth pursuing or if I’m attractive (to them), or should I even consider this. After all I’ve had children, owned a house, am out in the world doing my thing.
Given social mores, this wondering happens quite a bit. I’ve met women closer to my age, but like me, naturally there is more emotional baggage. But there is also the question of physical attraction. In asking a female friend whether it is shallow to place emphasis on this, she stated that attraction is important; but in the long run isn’t it life experience which sustains us, the ability to communicate with others at a certain level much more important?
I try to come at this with an open, although somewhat wounded, heart. The longer one lives, if one is willing to take risks, the more opportunity for being wounded makes itself known. But I do see positive examples of love no matter how many wounds one might have; with the point being to not stop trying.
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