For many years, I grew up angry at my parents, relatives and teachers for what I went through as a child. I blamed them for everything that had happened to me even after i was old enough to be on my own. i never took the time to even ask if there was anyone else to blame. The more i did that, the worse i got. Drugs seemed to be the only escape route that i had. Once the drugs took over my life i thought I had stopped caring about what they did. i had developed this hatred towards them. After seven years of using all that anger spread to everyone I met.
I would start taking all the things I thought my parents, relatives and teacher should have given me. The only difference was that i used it to hurt other people because i was so hurt. After hitting rock bottom with myself, i became lost and confused. i had no one to turn to because i didn't like anyone, nobody trusted me with anything at all. I knew something had to happen or the drug life was going to take me out.
After finding the rooms of recovery program, i had found other people feeling the same way i was. After talking with them, they said that i could change all that if i was willing to stick around and get honest about something. At this time I was willing to try anything to stop feeling the way I felt every day. I started to apply some of the things they told me and i was feeling a little better. Then they suggested for me to get a sponsor (counsellor) and do some step work of a recovery program. I couldn't understand how writing on paper was going to help but I did what they said. To my surprise, by doing that I found out that almost everything that I was tired of feeling, were things that I was bringing on myself due to lack of information or misinformed information about my past. I also found out how and when most of it started and how it got worse. I know today that if I was not clean when I realized this, I would have ignored it, but I was, so changes had to be made, but they had to be made within me.
This was a slap on the face. I was certain that it was everybody else that would have to change, but I was wrong. I therefore made the decision to try to make some changes within me. I have been clean for just under four years now, and have a whole new look on life and why it was the way it was. Thanks goes to my sponsor( counsellor), my family, my teachers,relatives,friends and support group, I accept that I was the reason for the feelings I had as a child, teenager and adult. i was so self-centred and was only concerned about how I felt. Never once did I ask how they felt or why they did the things they did.t Now with my experience with the disease of addiction, I understand. I know that they did the best they could with what they had.
Today, I am grateful to my parents for all that they did. I’m even grateful for the things they didn't do. My father is an awesome man. Today we can finally talk to each other like father and son. i'm so proud of him. Thank you father for continuing to love me even when i didn't love myself. You’re the best dad ever. i also want to thank my mother for all that she has done. it took my sponsor (counsellor)talking to me to realize where i get my strength from. You have shown me that it's okay to not be perfect but never the less, do whatever it takes to keep going. After everything you have gone through as a child, you still haven't given up on life. i want you to know that i love you so much. If there was anything i could give you for mother's day this year it would be the love in my heart that recovery has helped me rebuild. You have earned it as one of the strongest women alive today. I love you my friends and all the peoples who pray for me and my recovery. Thank you again to the recovering program for helping me realize that as long as I stay willing to do some footwork, things can change. I know my love for my parents have.
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