Recently my very first Nepali friend Arat left to attend a graduate program at the University of Oslo. I had met Arat in September 2011, when I had initially come to Nepal during a short work break. Arat and I maintained contact and when I came to Nepal as a volunteer in June 2012 we renewed our friendship. I was twice able to visit Arat’s ancestral home enabling me to get to know her family members and experience her roots.
Arat’s father passed away last year, which was a very painful experience for all of the family members. Arat’s mother has a number of health issues, but seems to be well cared for by her two brothers and their wives all of whom live together in a joined family with one grandson. None of them have spent any measureable amount of time outside of Nepal, although Arat does have a brother and sister who lives in the UK. Arat has challenged her roots by placing a high value on her education and not having become married at a young age. Once she completes her studies in Oslo she will have three M.A. degrees and be fully fluent in English, bringing back another perspective to Nepal.
I had met and interviewed Lily Thapa, the Founder of Women for Human Rights, and when I asked her for some names of Nepalis living overseas, she told me about her son Anul who has lived in the United States, presently Somerville, Massachusetts since 2002. Anul’s mother and two brothers live in Nepal, but he does have relatives in the US who he visits, especially during festivals. Anul originally left Nepal to pursue his education, experience other cultures and explore a variety of career opportunities. He now is an Associate at The Brattle Group, an economic and management consulting firm, specializing in the energy sector. Although Anul visits once a year and stays in contact through social media he does miss out on his life in Nepal.
One day Anul may return to live in Nepal but for now he is happy in the US. His message for Nepalis looking to live overseas is, “Migrating to another country is always a challenge. It is not easy leaving what you know and jump into the unfamiliar. There will be challenges (economic, emotional, etc.) that you have to overcome. But, if you do overcome these challenges and thrive, you will feel pride and a sense of accomplishment.”
I had met Radha Paudel Founder/President of Action Works Nepal when I interviewed her for the former NTV show, Inspirations. When I told Radha that I would be visiting the US, she asked if I could bring copies of her recently published book to her sister Shanta Adhikari Paudel who lived not too far from my parents in the Los Angeles/Orange County area. I was happy to oblige as Shanta came to my parent’s home where there was an immediate “family” connection. Shanta is a member of Action Works Nepal and has lived in the US for 15 years with her second husband and two children.
Shanta and her first husband originally came to the US because she wanted a better life for her daughter and to become more empowered. First her husband went to the US on F1 status (student visa) and Shanta followed him six months later, leaving her daughter in Nepal with her family. It wasn’t always easy as there were many obstacles such as obtaining a social security number, working permit, nursing license and permanent residency. However after 4-5 years Shanta was able to obtain a green card through her nursing job, as she is an RN. Shanta’s husband received his green card through her, then she finally brought her seven year-old daughter to the US. By then Shanta and her husband had another child. As Shanta was the primary family breadwinner she started working extra hours, and was very involved in her daughter’s school life because she did not speak English. About three years later, Shanta’s daughter exhibited major signs of abuse and she revealed that her father had been abusing her for over two years. Life was very difficult for the family and finally Shanta had no choice but to report the abuses and get divorced to protect her children. Five years later, Shanta remarried and feels that life is now stable.
Shanta wants to come back to Nepal once her children graduate from college as she feels a deep responsibility to give back to Nepali girls and women
Shanta’s advice to others wanting to go overseas is, “No matter where you go, the struggles are there. Expect very hard days in the beginning. Weigh the pros and cons of leaving your family, children, parents, selling off your property is really worth it or not. If you are determined to migrate, be prepared to do any type of job such as factory, restaurant, gas station, convenient stores, etc. despite your established career and professional license in Nepal. It is always helpful to find someone who has been here for sometime to lean on till you know your way around. In terms of victims of violence, especially girls and women, the world will not understand what you go through every day, but don’t hesitate to come out to reveal the truth even if you are alone in the battle to protect yourself and your children.”
Three Nepalis with very different stories, brave enough to go overseas and experience a world outside of their birth country, outside of their comfort zones. In some sense I can identify with them having now lived overseas for four years. For me it is partially about wanting to expand my universe and learn how others think. I don’t know that I will ever go back to the US, it depends somewhat on where my daughter ends up living, as my son will live the rest of his life in a monastery. On some level I’m similar to the Nepalis in this story, torn between a life away from my birth country but also very much enjoying my adopted home. But for me it’s not about “ke garne”, but ensuring that I can, in some small way make a difference in whichever community and part of the world where I call home.
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