Eternal Sign of a Spotted Mind

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May be some of us can related to it and some may not. The feeling I’m talking about is like when in junior school mathematics is compulsory, and even if you do not like it you have to study it. No matter how hard you practice or concentrate on it, the results are never up to the mark! And all one can think of is “When will I enter the senior school? I can choose not to study Mathematics.”  That moment will be something like this “See, you’re the one due to which I looked like a bad performer. I choose not to take you up...” The feeling of having the confidence that no matter what your Grades will be just right, proportionate to the effort you’ve put in.


I’m not frustrated or stuck in a bad marriage! I’m just dealing with the phase called ‘adjustment period’. Each day is a revelation. Things you do, fire back. Things you don’t do also fire back. Aren’t you left wishing, there was a set of guidelines to follow that too set in stone. Sadly, there aren’t any guidelines. There is no guideline for how human mind works. Isn’t it mind boggling? We humans have created a set of rules for every damn thing- traffic, education, cooking, painting, writing, working etc. However not one rule for how your mind should work!


We let our brain sway from one thought to another. There is hardly any consistency.  We give full liberty to our thought process. We judge, misjudge, label, like-dislike, feel passionate, dispassionate, love- hate; such snap judgements. Especially when we are in an informal set-up, we speak whatever comes to our mind.  It is understood that one’s comfort zone keeps one at ease, and lets you be how you want to be.  However in that comfort zone there are others who expect a fair chance, a fair evaluation and a fair judgement.


Why are we in a hurry to measure the other person’s intention as either good or bad? Does it give any kind of satisfaction or sense of pride or victory? Why can’t we observe and absorb? If you’re a mature person you know the things said were in haste and not thought through properly however how patient can one be and keep taking bashings? And why should one take bashing at all?


Why I am how I am? It may be because my foundation is strong. May be am not inhibited with weird power dynamics. I do not assume that one person has to be subservient to me to be good for me. I don’t want people around me to give-in into anything I expect. I do not assume their intention is wrong when they don’t turn out to be how I expect. I am not saying all this to prove I’m bigger person. I’m not; I’m full of flaws just like others are. Being a bigger person doesn’t make me human enough and I do not in any way think others are smaller beings. The capacity to be human alone has helped so many of us survive and live with people who are not equally compassionate or understanding.  We know the value of giving chances and taking chances and in a way accommodating those who may not be fair to you all the time.

I personally believe in not taking it too hard on myself and neither do I feel guilty if my actions were unintentional. I believe in giving chances. May be this how I am. Going back to the example I mentioned at the starting about mathematics. I was horrible with maths. We never got along well, however when I had a fair chance to get divorce from maths I decided not to. I had maths as a subject along with humanities in my senior school. I wanted to give it one more chance and see for myself if we get along. Obviously we didn’t do so well however I don’t regret not trying out my luck with it. 


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